The Parent Lens: How was school

Written by Mark Jones

Tap, Tap, Tap…”Hey sweetness, how was school?” I ask as I pop my head around the door. “Fine, daddy.” comes the response.  “Anything interesting happen today?”  “Not really.”

Does this conversation sound familiar?  It is one that is repeated day after day in my household and probably in many homes around the world.  It’s like a ritual, or more accurately, a way for me to announce to my girls that I am home as they are both on their devices in their rooms, usually with a cat on their beds, before I decompress from the day. 

As a parent, I want to know more specifics about school like what did they learn? Have they had any assessments recently? Is there any coursework they are working on?  These are all questions I should probably know the answer to, but honestly, my answer to most of these questions is that I have no idea.  Makes me sound like a terrible parent, right?

This begs the question, how much should I get involved?  How much should I know?  How much should I push?  How should I ask so that it doesn’t come across as an interrogation at the dinner table? 

Obviously, the answer to this question will vary from person to person or family to family, the time of the school year (e.g. during exam periods) or if there have been any ‘dramas’ during the day.  As a teacher, I want to know more about the academic side, but as a parent, I’m more interested in their relationships with friends, boyfriends - I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that - and with their teachers. 

When I go on my ‘daddy daughter’ dates, which I thoroughly recommend by the way, I get ambushed by all of the gossip at school -  who likes who, who is annoying in class, and which teachers allow them to eat snacks.  This usually comes without me prompting and asking the robotic ‘how was school’ question.  As soon as I ask about the less academic side of school, I get attacked with more information than I can process.  However, when it comes to her DT coursework (a subject she loves), I get ‘yeh it’s fine’.  When I ask what her project is on, I get ‘I don’t remember’.

Now, both my girls always let me know about their assessment scores - good or bad, show me work they are proud of, but never for support with homework.  When I ask why, I get ‘You are my dad, not my teacher” which is a lovely, yet confusing statement for me. Maybe it’s because they don’t like my ‘teacher’s voice’!  I want to get more involved, but I also want them to be independent with their learning and be self-disciplined to keep to deadlines without me always lurking around. But should I?  I don’t know. 

From my perspective as a parent, it’s OK not to know everything that’s happening in their studies.  The only thing I can do is make myself open and available for them to talk to me if they want to.  On the whole, this has worked out for me, but it is difficult as I want to know more - which is very much a ‘me’ problem.  I do find that asking about any commendations they get is my best ‘in’ to open more discussion so hopefully they will get more next year!