Traditional vs. Modern Expectations - Filipino households

Being respectful is crucial in Filipino homes. Saying 'po' and 'opo', blessing your elders' hands, and never questioning their words—even if they initially hurt you—are all expected of you. I've lived it, so I know this. I've been told that I was "too sensitive" for quietly withdrawing after an aunt made fun of me, despite the fact that her remarks deeply wounded me. I've discovered that it's an issue if I remain silent, but it's worse if I speak up. Speaking your truth shouldn't be interpreted as disrespect, even though respect is vital. Because they can't be honest without fear of criticism, many Filipino teenagers feel trapped in this cultural silence. And we will continue to be silenced by guilt and fear until we alter this way of thinking.

I was taught as a child that elders are always correct, even when they're not. I was taught early on to always greet people with dignity, to never respond, and to keep quiet even when something seemed unfair. It was a clear message: even if it means losing your feelings, keep the peace. "Don't be disrespectful" or "You're too young to understand" would be my response if I attempted to express how I felt. I can personally attest to the fact that even inadvertently upsetting an adult can turn the entire family against you. Just for being honest, you are viewed as "walang modo", which means disrespectful, dramatic, and ungrateful. This type of silence is misinterpreted as showing respect in Filipino culture, and it eventually develops into a difficult-to-break habit.

However, there are repercussions for the silence. Nobody knows how much it hurts to keep things inside. There have been times when I wanted to communicate how lost or hurt I was, but I was afraid I would be criticised—or worse, reprimanded. I even attempted to open up to my mother once, but she yelled at me at the end of the conversation. I once wrote in a journal to express my emotions, and she discovered it and forwarded it to my aunts and uncles. It was embarrassing. To feel like someone is listening, I've since resorted to online notes and even ChatGPT. I love my friends more than words can express, but they will never be able to comprehend the complexity of my family. Speaking my truth is about surviving emotionally, not about being disrespectful. Even that, however, seems like too much to ask in our culture.

The adage "There's always a respectful way to speak your truth" is frequently used, but I don't believe that is true in every Filipino home. I have made an effort. My cousins have made an effort. However, the culture of silence is deeply ingrained. It's even more difficult if you're sensitive or emotional because you get misinterpreted, condemned, or labelled. I occasionally ponder what it would be like to live in a household where being honest was not frowned upon. where saying, "This hurt me," would be greeted with empathy rather than rage. Critics may claim that children who speak up become "pasaway", but I believe that what truly breaks us is the inability to speak at all. Tradition and truth must coexist in a space that does not destroy the other.

Silence in Filipino homes is ultimately not always a good thing; it can be burdensome, isolating, and draining. Even though respeto is a lovely value, emotional honesty shouldn't be sacrificed for it. Our culture needs to reinterpret respect as mutual understanding rather than mindless obedience. I want you to know that you're not the only one who feels that speaking up would result in punishment. We might not be able to fix everything at this time. However, by sharing our stories, we can gradually contribute to the development of our culture—not away from tradition, but toward a time when love will not require silence.