How to Stay Uninfluenced: A Guide

Think deeply. What are your true opinions? Not influenced by wanting to defy stereotypes – not influenced by trying to appeal to friends. Who are you? Do you even know your true stances? 

When you are lying to yourself, it is called self-deception, delusion, confabulation, and many more things. What it should be called, though, is harmful, confusing, and even destructive sometimes. Self-deception is when you believe something untrue about yourself unconsciously. It’s the most common type of lie¹, preying on everyone without their permission or knowledge. Delusion is harmful because if you are lying to someone, at least you know it is fake. If you are lying to yourself, you may forget it is a lie, and the deception becomes your reality. 

I conducted an online survey asking people on social media about their experiences with friendships and just with themselves. From the 30 anonymous people I surveyed, 18 said that they either gaslit themselves into having an opinion for friends or other personal reasons. When you have an opinion, try to think about it. Do you actually agree with it? Are you sure? If you do not like it, then stay true to yourself. 

So how do you get past this and stay true to yourself? 

Step one: You have to become aware of the lie and acknowledge you’re lying to yourself. It happens; it’s not your fault. This is usually the hardest step and may be uncomfortable for you to do. Nevertheless, this is vital to a recovery. 

Step two: You should find some time to reflect on your mind. ‘Why did I lie to myself?’, ‘Who did I do this for?’, and ‘What was the purpose of this lie?’

Step three: Let anyone who was involved with this know. It is important that you clarify to other people who you genuinely are. If this only concerns you, the only person you need to talk with is yourself. 

Step four: Reflect on your situation. How will you prevent this from happening again? In the future, be sure to think about your opinions, keep on top of your mindset, stay connected to your authentic self, and maintain a healthy relationship with your brain!

You may be asking: ‘Wait, why does this even happen to me in the first place?’ The reason humans lie to themselves is because sometimes it is difficult to accept the truth.² Whether it makes us feel better or it helps us in life, it may be hard to admit what is actually going on. We would do pretty much everything to protect our ego – be in denial of reality, rationalise our situation, or project our flaws onto someone else. But even though this may seem bad, don’t worry! It's a natural human instinct to keep ourselves positive, no matter the scenario. 

Nowadays, we do not need to protect our ego so much. In fact, overprotection of ego can be detrimental in some social situations. The key is finding a balance between keeping yourself in check and loving yourself, as if we are taking care of a child. 

So, live your truths and do not be scared to embrace your reality! 

Bibliography:

¹(Vanourek, Gregg. “Self-Deception: Why We Do It and How to Stop It” 2023)

²(Warren, Courtney. “Honest Liars: Using Psychological Theory to Understand Self-Deception” Psi Chi, 2014)